Ringworm produces trust?...

It’s been a while since I posted… for many reasons.

Once I reached American soil, I was so grateful and SO sick. After multiple visits to the doctors, none of which proved very helpful, I slept and rested a great deal. The time difference was rough on it’s own, let alone having massive pains in my abdomen and fatigue. I slept a few days away, thanks to a sweet friend who let me crash in her bed while she worked. I loved seeing my family again, but had no energy to  be an aunt play with the kids. Day 3 of being home, I had an interesting “circle” appear on my arm. A couple days later, a friend mentioned it looked like ringworm…sure enough. Ringworm it was/is/still is... 

A few days after arriving in OR, I came down with an intense cold which seems to have turned into a chest infection. It’s been a bit rough to keep my spirit high and my faith unshaken. Christmas was a sweet time, but overshadowed by sickness and honestly, fear. I’ve never been a person to deal with fear, but it has taken a grip on me. Fear about my health. Fear because I don’t have insurance. Fear about the future. Fear about making a wrong decision. Fear about letting people down. Fear. It’s a powerful and real emotion. So, here’s me. Being real.  Being honest. I need a breakthrough in my heart and mind…and body!

It’s easy to trust God when things are going your way and sailing smoothly…but is this faith? Faith is when the rubber meets the road (which is what I feel like I’m going through right now). Faith is tested in the hard times. It’s easy to trust him with everything when life is great…but when it’s hard, when you’re sick, when you’re lost, when you’re confused, when the bills begin to add up, when you are homeless and directionless…. Where is my faith now? Lord, I want strong faith. I want real faith. I want to be a woman of faith who trusts you when it’s easy and when it’s hard. I want to thank you for the small everyday victories and I want to trust you in the huge life decisions: moving, health, vocations etc. I want my faith to be a solid rock, not one that wavers when the tides come in. I also want clarity. I want to hear God speak loudly, as he has done before. So, as I wait patiently, believing (with a  bit of shaky faith) HE will come to my aid, I’m going to make a quick list of things HE has done this year that I am so thankful for:

1.       I have unbelievably amazing friends and family!!!

2.       My amazing Family in Nashville hosted me for 5 months while I had time to rest and research different African options.

3.       I was able to babysit consistently for a couple families in Nashville which paid for all my needs (and car problems) at the time

4.       I had an AMAZING trip to Africa. Life shaping. Life giving

5.       I was given a job in Alaska that paid my bills, allowed me to save and also see the state of Alaska and do incredible things like landing on glaciers, float planes, ziplines, 4-wheeling, and a job I enjoyed.

6.       I have INCREDIBLE family and friends that have housed me during this year and a half of “homelessness”. To each of you: THANK YOU!! Words cannot express, describe or truly relay how thankful I am!!

7.       I was able to bring suitcases filled with clothes and gifts to a family and school who I love

8.       I was able to go to Africa twice this year!

9.       I have parents who love me and are housing me as I regain my health and strength.

10.   My car and college are paid off so no bills linger over my head.

11.   I able to spend time with my little brother who I haven’t seen in over a year

12.   I have a doctor here in OR that is researching and trying to help me feel better.

13.   I have incredible reconciliation with a friend.

14.   And many personal breakthroughs and insights this year.

15.   A year and a half of adventure, provision, relationships, and learning to live well out of a suitcase.

I’ve been reading Psalms 40 this morning. Every verse seems to speak to me in a different way. So, I’ll wait patiently(vr.1) while he draw me out of the pit(vr.2) I’m in and pray that God would “Be Pleased to deliver me, make haste and help me!(vr.13)..For me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!”(vr.17) I cannot wait for him to “Put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. So many will see and fear; and put their trust in the Lord”(vr. 3).

What will my NEW SONG be about in 2013? I hope it includes renewed health and strength, an awesome job and a home!  

Funny, as I finish reading and journaling… I turned to Ps. 56:3

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”

Coincidence?….I think not! Lord, I choose to put my trust in YOU today.