Because I can...

Well, it's been a LONG time since I've written. Being sick, I didn't have much to talk about. So, to give a quick overview; I had MAJOR reactions to my malaria pills (but didn't know it until I was back in the states: heads up: don't take Mefloquine!!), I had ringworm, scabies, and as of late...some major allergy/hive/rash break outs to what I think is nuts and berries (bummer bc that's what I love to eat!)

So, here I go again: headed from Here to There...this time from CA to Nashville. Can't seem to get enough of that place! Why, you may ask? What is my plan?

I have amazing friends and a support group in Nashville.
I've been given an awesome housing oppurtunity
I have some work: nanny jobs
I'll be within 7 hours to all my besties
and...it's what I want to do and I can do it.

How Long? No clue? Doesn't bother me...why does it bother you, it's MY life?
What for? To rest, relax, regain and hopefully become employed.

Yep... that's all I've got for now. But, today I got to see my rad cousins, great friends and sleep in a really comfy bed!

Nite

Ringworm produces trust?...

It’s been a while since I posted… for many reasons.

Once I reached American soil, I was so grateful and SO sick. After multiple visits to the doctors, none of which proved very helpful, I slept and rested a great deal. The time difference was rough on it’s own, let alone having massive pains in my abdomen and fatigue. I slept a few days away, thanks to a sweet friend who let me crash in her bed while she worked. I loved seeing my family again, but had no energy to  be an aunt play with the kids. Day 3 of being home, I had an interesting “circle” appear on my arm. A couple days later, a friend mentioned it looked like ringworm…sure enough. Ringworm it was/is/still is... 

A few days after arriving in OR, I came down with an intense cold which seems to have turned into a chest infection. It’s been a bit rough to keep my spirit high and my faith unshaken. Christmas was a sweet time, but overshadowed by sickness and honestly, fear. I’ve never been a person to deal with fear, but it has taken a grip on me. Fear about my health. Fear because I don’t have insurance. Fear about the future. Fear about making a wrong decision. Fear about letting people down. Fear. It’s a powerful and real emotion. So, here’s me. Being real.  Being honest. I need a breakthrough in my heart and mind…and body!

It’s easy to trust God when things are going your way and sailing smoothly…but is this faith? Faith is when the rubber meets the road (which is what I feel like I’m going through right now). Faith is tested in the hard times. It’s easy to trust him with everything when life is great…but when it’s hard, when you’re sick, when you’re lost, when you’re confused, when the bills begin to add up, when you are homeless and directionless…. Where is my faith now? Lord, I want strong faith. I want real faith. I want to be a woman of faith who trusts you when it’s easy and when it’s hard. I want to thank you for the small everyday victories and I want to trust you in the huge life decisions: moving, health, vocations etc. I want my faith to be a solid rock, not one that wavers when the tides come in. I also want clarity. I want to hear God speak loudly, as he has done before. So, as I wait patiently, believing (with a  bit of shaky faith) HE will come to my aid, I’m going to make a quick list of things HE has done this year that I am so thankful for:

1.       I have unbelievably amazing friends and family!!!

2.       My amazing Family in Nashville hosted me for 5 months while I had time to rest and research different African options.

3.       I was able to babysit consistently for a couple families in Nashville which paid for all my needs (and car problems) at the time

4.       I had an AMAZING trip to Africa. Life shaping. Life giving

5.       I was given a job in Alaska that paid my bills, allowed me to save and also see the state of Alaska and do incredible things like landing on glaciers, float planes, ziplines, 4-wheeling, and a job I enjoyed.

6.       I have INCREDIBLE family and friends that have housed me during this year and a half of “homelessness”. To each of you: THANK YOU!! Words cannot express, describe or truly relay how thankful I am!!

7.       I was able to bring suitcases filled with clothes and gifts to a family and school who I love

8.       I was able to go to Africa twice this year!

9.       I have parents who love me and are housing me as I regain my health and strength.

10.   My car and college are paid off so no bills linger over my head.

11.   I able to spend time with my little brother who I haven’t seen in over a year

12.   I have a doctor here in OR that is researching and trying to help me feel better.

13.   I have incredible reconciliation with a friend.

14.   And many personal breakthroughs and insights this year.

15.   A year and a half of adventure, provision, relationships, and learning to live well out of a suitcase.

I’ve been reading Psalms 40 this morning. Every verse seems to speak to me in a different way. So, I’ll wait patiently(vr.1) while he draw me out of the pit(vr.2) I’m in and pray that God would “Be Pleased to deliver me, make haste and help me!(vr.13)..For me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!”(vr.17) I cannot wait for him to “Put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. So many will see and fear; and put their trust in the Lord”(vr. 3).

What will my NEW SONG be about in 2013? I hope it includes renewed health and strength, an awesome job and a home!  

Funny, as I finish reading and journaling… I turned to Ps. 56:3

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”

Coincidence?….I think not! Lord, I choose to put my trust in YOU today.

Bye Mzungu

I’m not exactly sure how to put into words the end of this trip…so allow me to simply process.

“Bye Mzungu” had a different meaning than it has this entire trip. Indeed, it was goodbye. As I walked down the familiar path towards Buwanbo from the girls school, the same kids came out and said the same thing they do everytime: “Hello Mzungu. How are you? I’m fine. Bye Mzungu”. I hated the fact that the sweetest of this statement has somehow warn off. Can you imagine, everyday being told, “Hello White person”. For some reason, it started irritating me this time around…and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because it’s a slang term, maybe because they have nothing else to say, but for some reason… today’s “Bye Mzungu” brought a smile to my face. Yep, I’m ready to fly “home”…wherever that may be.

Jinja ended well as I went to the Cornerstone retreat. It was so great to see some of my sweet Rwandan friends at the conference. I didn’t know who would be there, so to walk in and see their faces made me so happy! They of course, were happy to see me too, but were bummed I hadn’t made it to the school this trip… next time. Next time. The retreat included a lot of “meetings” which I conveniently missed to spend time with Kate, but always made it for the meals J It was a sweet way to end my time here in Uganda, being at a GORGEOUS resort with the people I care about.  Friday evening, we had a Christmas party filled with Christmas carols and laughter. I was able to be in the group with all the teaching staff, which literally made my heart sing – I was able to speak into their lives, encourage them to continue on and thank them for being such an amazing support while in Africa. Then, they put me in charge of leading “Angel s we have heard on high”. We had a blast. Each group performed that evening, and I may be bias, but I think ours sounded the best and had the most fun!

Saturday, Kate and I went to breakfast, ran errands , and said goodbye. It was so good to see her and just “be”. Lots of laughter, singing and chillin’. Then, I took a boda to the retreat, ate lunch and then loaded the van. I had started feeling really sick again and a small group of sweet friends prayed over me. I knew the ride back to Matugga would be brutal if I didn’t’ feel better. The beginning was rough, but little by little, I began to feel better. Again, I have NO idea why God has allowed me to be sick for so much of this trip, I have really tried to keep my faith and spirit up, but it’s been hard. My last night was filled with packing (didn’t take long and was so awesome to see the small amount of stuff I actually brought for myself) and then playing with Sarah’s kids and having a very deep heart to heart with David and Sarah! They are precious and were able to really open up to me because we have become so close. All I can say is, please pray for them. Pray their hearts would be encouraged. Pray for encouragement for them. Pray for wisdom as the parent 7 kids. Pray for financial provision as they have taken on 4 kid that are not their own and have no help from the parents. Pray for Cornerstone staff. Their hearts were heavy, but after hours of talking and tears, we ended in a precious time of prayer. I absolutely LOVE this couple and wish I could introduce them to all of you…maybe one day. They did tell me to send their love and greetings to my friends and family, so you are loved, greeted and prayed for by an incredible couple in Matugga, Uganda.

Sunday, I had a relaxed morning and then went for a long and intense walk, knowing I’d be sitting for the next couple days. We had lunch at their house, then loaded all 10 of us into the Toyota. Yep, a 5 seater, filled with 10 of us! Sarah held Esther and Danny, Dave drove, Perez, Brian, Grace and I had our butts o the seat, while Hannah sat on Brian and I held Joy. It was SO fun. We went to church, ran a few last minute errands and then headed to Cornerstone’s main office. They were having a huge end of the year party with all the college students, so we ended up staying. I got to see 6 of the precious S6 graduates. It was the greatest send off. Again, surrounded by those I have come to love and then the gift of seeing ‘my girls’. Then, we loaded the car, sang Christmas carols and drove to the airport. The goodbye was quick once we arrived, which was a bummer…but I was able to take a quick of David and Sarah sending their thanks to those of you who have helped with feeding the neighbors. Link:

The airport was hot and stuffy. I’ve literally sweated all day, so talk about an uncomfortable 24 hr period. I packed some wet ones thinking this may happen… so we’ll see. Which brings me to sitting in 34J (window seat).

The Trip is Over!

I can honestly say…I can’t believe it’s been 5 weeks and yet it feels like so much longer. What a whirlwind of a trip. I have learned and seen a lot. I have had a lot of time to process. I have had major ups and major downs. I have fought an infection for 5 weeks. I have been able to invest and bless one incredible African family. I have been able to hold babies, have heart to heart with HS aged girls, I have laughed hard, cried hard, and prayed hard. Flying back into the unknown is not so scary…I’m more confident that God is going to bring the right job in the right time. Christmas music in the background makes me excited to see my family, have COLD weather, and enjoy this Christmas season. (as does the Amsterdam airport with Christmas trees, music and the chill that hits you as you walk off the plane)

How is THIS Christmas going to be different this year?.... I’m still working on that one.

But for now, I’m praying when I arrive, my doctor will figure out what is going on inside me, as 5 weeks of being sick has really taken a toll.

The Nile

I love Jinja. I really do. This place is sweet, clean, has flowers (you rarely see flowers in Kampala or Matugga), 

and has the beautiful Nile River flowing through. I love walking and exercising here, because there is always beauty and just when I feel too hot to continue running, there is a HUGE tree with abundant shade to cover me for the quick moment , a moment I cherish.

The Nile. It’s wide, flows quickly, is surrounded by tropical trees and flowers, and stands out next to the red dirt and bright green grass that lays on its boarders. The Nile also is a killer. Biharzia (the parasite I became host to on my last trip here) is common knowledge here and keeps most people out of the water. Crocodiles swim in these waters. Killers under the surface.  These crocs have killed 100,000’s of people. Some on accident, some more purposeful. (I watched “The New King of Scotland” last night. Powerful.  Idi Amin, president in the 1970’s named “the butcher of Uganda”, literally threw 100,000’s of innocent people in the Nile to cover up his mass massacres. Why no evidence? Eaten by crocs.)  Mamba’s: one of the most deadly snakes (I had my freek out encounter with the green Mamba last time I was in its water). All of these killers live in the water. Amazing to think, Moses was placed in a basket to float down an extremely quick currant river. A baby, placed in a basket (like one of the local baskets made here), into water filled with killers: parasites, crocs and snakes. How much more does that make you think Moses’ mom was CRAZY…and yet took the risk due to her belief that her son had a BIG life planned.  Sometimes I feel like Moses in that basket…floating down the river of life. But now every time I run by the Nile, it somehow strengthens my faith. (and is still REALLY tempting to want to get in the water..esp. because it’s SO hot right now) I always love being by water (esp. water I can get in…not possible here). It relaxes me. Makes me contemplative. And now, it encourages and empowers me.

So Jinja, good for the heart, good for the soul. Not to mention, it’s been great to be with Kate. She teaches during the day, and I’ve had some down time and Christmas shopping time J but then, we sit, play the guitar, sing, talk about life, laugh, watched a movie, went to bible study…it’s just been good. A different pace with no expectation. My Cornerstone friends arrive today. I’m not actually sure what my juggling of people and schedules will look like, but it’ll be nice to have 2 world collide in this spot that I love to be in. Not to mention, we’ll be staying in a hotel that overlooks…what? THE NILE.

Lord, speak to me clearly and continue to refresh, renew and rejuvenate my faith and may these final days be pleasing to you!

Funny...I went for a walk this morning beside the Nile and as I walking the dirt path beside the reeds and banana plantations, heard a child crying. I went through the reeds to see what was the matter. There was a little boy, about the age of 5, crying. I started to talk to him to see if I could help. As I was talking, the father came up from the shore of the Nile. I told him I had come to see if the child was ok. He laughed. The kid must have gotten in trouble and was crying. The father told the boy to go back down to his mother. The childs name? Moses! I about laughed out loud as I had written this before I ran. God, you have humor. A crying boy named Moses in the reeds by the Nile... of course. Here's Moses:

Eager

The word Eager has stuck out loudly today. As I sit here reading, the word EAGER has popped off the pages. Eager. What is Eager?

Eager: E.A.G.E.R. to be hopeful, excited, expectant, anticipating. Eager.  It’s an active word… an active word, an active waiting. To be expectant without expectation. To have assurance of the unknown without knowing the details.  Eager.  I clicked on synonyms on my computer: enthusiastic, keen, excited, willing, ready, zealous, fervent.

As I read in Romans 8 how the “sufferings of this present age” pales in comparison with the “glory that will be revealed”; for creation waits with “eager longings”; as we “wait eagerly”;  wait for it with patience, for we know that all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purposes.

WAIT EAGERLY

EAGER LONGINS

This describes where I am. I have NO idea what my future holds, but I know God’s got a plan. I have NO idea what God has made and designed me for, but I know he has a job waiting for me…somewhere. I LONG for a home, a place to call my own with a bed, a dresser, a closet and some hangers, a place to host and entertain friends and strangers…and I am EAGER for that day to come (and hopefully soon!). I have an EAGER LONGING for a home church, a community where I can serve, invest, and be a part of a family. I’ve learned what eager inner longings and groaning’s feels like. I don’t even know exactly how to pray for what I want, because I’m not exactly sure what I want, but I am EAGER to find out what it is. I LONG for God’s purposes in my life.

Jesus, give me strength as I EAGERLY WAIT. You have given me EAGER LONGINGS, may I continue to follow you expectantly. Assured of the unknown. And Jesus, can you fulfill these EAGER LONGINGS as I WAIT EAGERLY.

Matugga to Jinja

Monday was a child morning. I was able to read, journal, and chill. Around 10 am, I saw Perez walking through the banana plantation. I asked where he was going and he said to pick Jackfruit. I have been curious about picking them since my last trip, so I set down my book, changed and went with him. I could actually HEAR the difference in the ripe fruit this time (ripe fruit sounds like a empty drum) and got excited as I watched Perez twist the fruit from the vine. We left the plantation, I went back to the guest house and finished reading while he went home. A while later I went to Sarah’s place and found them washing…like they do everyday, but today they had SO many clothes. This was the first time Sarah has ever said to me, “I wish I could stay home everyday and just do the ‘daily routines’ of life”. She is so busy with leading the school, counseling girls, being a wife, a mom, a co-worker, the accountant etc. that it’s hard for her to do the wash, make dinner, keep the house clean and play with her kids. You can tell she is enjoying this holiday just as much as the kids are. Once I was over there, we decided to go to the house cleaners hut to make a “last effort” in finding the money…

Mama Cathy’s house is humble, to say the least. Mattresses and barely enough dishes in the cupboard for her family of 4. Cement walls and floors. She is a widow. He husband died 5 years ago and once he past, his family came and took everything out of the house, claiming it was his property, so she shouldn’t be able to keep any of it. He had 5 kids from his previous marriage and they had 3 together, so she is a mama of 8 who has had to start over, plate by plate, dish by dish, clothing by clothing. She explained tome how she could never steal the money, and whether I believe her or not, she could def. use the $250 more than I could, so at the end of our meeting, we prayed together and I have surrounded the money, blessing whoever took it that it would go to good use and help to ease pain however possible. Sarah cried again hearing Mama Cathy’s story… it is really sad. Yet again, another “reality” of women here in Africa.

Sarah and I came back, had a late lunch with the kids and then I took Hannah, Grace, Joy and Brian for my daily exercise. I decided to do a fast pace walk with them, and they held up pretty good. On our way back, someone called out Mzungu and then some other words. I asked Brian what they had said. “There goes the white with her family”… and how true that was! This family has truly become like my own. It’s been a great week with them. When we got back, Perez was waiting with the volley and soccer ball. So, Brian and I joined him for a game of volleyball, which I won, 2 against 1! Then, they had me do push ups because they couldn’t believe I could do them. I did 20, then Brian did 20 and then Perez…well, he tried. After our “manly” competition, we went for a  run and picked up some sardines (for the dogs) and greens for us for dinner and headed back to the compound. The men of the town were already out drinking. I think that’s the first time I’ve been out since dark and I was glad I was with Brian and Perez.

After dinner, David and Sarah opened up about how hard it really is to keep the extra kids. None of their parents have offered help or monetary assistance and so, although they love the kids, it’s a major burden for them to carry. They are debating about care for the kids right now, as like any kids, they desire to be back with their families. They mentioned at the end of dinner that “because I am now part of this family, they are able to share with me the depths of their heart and thoughts”. I am honored and simply write this overview to ask you to pray for them in regards to provision and supervision of not only their 3 biological kids, but also for the care of the other 4 they have taken.

I left, heavy hearted and packed for the next day as I was to leave for Jinja.

Tuesday, I woke up around midnight to the smell of smoke. Those of you who know my story know that any type of fire will bring a sense of anxiety and fear. I looked all around, but couldn’t locate any fire, but still the smoke was so heavy in the house, I had a hard time falling back asleep. I left with David around 7 and headed for Kampala. Today, I needed to visit the doctor for a final check up…. With my stomach still in constant pain for the past 4 weeks, it’s made me a bit nervous. Plus, to check for any parasites I may have gotten… a check up was due. I took the advice of my friend, Grace, from a few weeks ago and went to a different clinic. Still nor sure if that was the best decision, but did it anyways.

After almost 4 hours in the doctors office: I am parasite clear, HIV negative ( you have to have that blood test taken) and have a small infection in my gut…maybe that’s why all the pain these past few weeks. I’m on medication now, and hoping the pain will be gone by the time I leave. After the doctors, Dennis took me on a few errands, one of which I met up with a sweet girl named Lauren I have met here, and then headed to the taxi park where I boarded a bus and headed to Jinja.

Tonight was great being back with my sweet friend Kate here in Jinja. We had pizza, wine and some good laughs as we caught up and watched some you tube videos.

Now, I’m exhausted, as I didn’t sleep well last night… so I’m off to bed.